I took an online quiz a couple of months ago that was supposed to tell you what your political leanings were. There were several pages of statements, and you were supposed to give them a rating somewhere from Strongly Agree to Strongly Disagree. One of the statements, in particular, stands out in my memory. It was, “first generation immigrants can never fully assimilate to their new homeland.” I could tell just from the tone of the quiz that the “liberal answer” (and I’m a fairly liberal sort of person) was supposed to be on the disagreeing side, but I had to give what I’m sure was my only “right-wing” answer and say Strongly Agree.
The longer I live in Sweden, the clearer it becomes to me that I will never really “fit in” here. Don’t get me wrong, that’s not a complaint or an indication of discontent. It’s merely an observation of fact. There are so many little details that I don’t have a good grasp of, and it seems like the more I know, the more I realize how much I don’t know. Usually this doesn’t bother me so much, but sometimes I feel like an outsider within my own family, because I’m the only non-Swede in this house (even Lydia, who is 100% American by birth, becomes more and more Swedish with each passing day).
Judging from my own experiences, I don’t see how it could be possible for a first-generation immigrant (not counting young children, of course) to assimilate fully in a new culture. It’s just all too much to absorb. I don’t think I ever thought about how much information we have stored in our subconscious minds and how impossible it would be for me to develop the “mind of a Swede” until Lydia started going to school here last year. There are so many little songs and rhymes and stories that kids pick up from a very early age, and so many cultural details that can be learned only by growing up within the culture.
The hardest part about this, for me, is that I have come to the realization that my kids will grow up without a true sense of what it is to be American, regardless of the fact that they are American citizens. I just can’t give them true “American-ness” if they don’t grow up in America, and that makes me sad.
I think it’s kinda neat that your kids are learning another culture but I can see what you mean. My family is from Italy but I grew up American and I sometimes wish I had learned more of my culture as a kid.
Thanks for coming by my site and YAY for counting crows! lol. 🙂
Amen! The longer I live here the more clear it is to me that I will never ever fit in either. That’s one reason we are moving back. I want to have American kids. Even though there is a lot wrong with America, there is a lot right with it too and I want my kids to grow up there. There’s nothing wrong with Sweden, really, but it’s just not “me”. I’m glad Mike is so open to moving. He is almost more excited about moving there than I am, if that is possible.
I totally agree. There are some things that you can’t learn without living in the country,or growing up there. Take simple things as flowers, birds, fishes… I think my english is pretty decent, but besides rose and daffodil, my english knowledge of flora is VERY limited.
There is another aspect of things to, but that has more to do with moving. I don’t live in the town I grew up in, so when people talk about all the excursions and soccer fields, or gymhalls that EVERYBODY has been to, during their school time, I feel a bit left out, since MY places are 100 miles away…
My mum is not born in Sweden, but I feel very swedish, except for some things. We have some traditions, especially during christmas, that DEFINETLY NOT are swedish. So I feel swedish, with a spice of “foreign”. My fiancé is not born i Sweden either, so our children will have even odder traditions for christmas. A little bit of this and a little bit of that…
//Kaja
I have to say that being Canadian has exposed me to many cultures and languages. Everyone I know has a different cultural background and it’s embraced – especially around Christmastime. In my family, we have a mix of Swedish/Norwegian/German/Polish traditions, along with some Canadian things thrown into the mix.
But I do understand that it is next to impossible to learn all the subtle nuances of a culture. I wish the ‘locals’ would actually embrace you and help you fit in, rather than expecting it. But such is not the nature of many humans. Sigh.
Oh! I must ask you. Do you ever argue (or discuss) different traditions/behaviour that comes from being brought up in different cultures??
My fiancé is from Slovenia and when people (unannounced or invited) comes to visit you are supposed to say, immediately when they enter the house: “Welcome, what can I get you to drink??”. Since you offer them a drink, you must offer something to eat. And then the wife disappear into the kithen and returns 10 minutes later.
My philosphy is more to have a chat with them, so that they feel welcome and THEN offer something to drink or eat. The priority is to entertain, not to feed my guests.
We’ve been discussing it a lot and has finally come to some understanding… I agree that you feel more welcome when you come home to people when offered food/drink immediately.
//Kaja
Thanks for sharing your viewpoints, everyone! 🙂
Kaja – sometimes we do “argue/discuss” about different cultural things, but I think that outwardly we do most things the Swedish way. I think my in-laws would be surprised at how “American” we live when it’s just us — my mother-in-law just realized a couple of months ago that we don’t speak Swedish at home (I’m still surprised that she thought we did, actually).