As it does around our house, discussion has turned lately to the topic of another baby. Will we or won’t we? Just now, we’re both leaning toward won’t, but we’re having a hard time deciding, once and for all, that we’re done. I do realize that, considering the relative newness of Brynja, we have some time before we have to make a decision one way or another, but I’ve never been one to like leaving things up in the air. Laissez-faire is so not my style.

The thing is, I can easily imagine us having another child. It’s not the number that makes me hesitate–really, four kids, five kids, what’s the difference–it’s the thought of another pregnancy and another year or two of breastfeeding (on top of the year or so I’ve still got ahead of me now) that I find a little daunting.

But what really worries me, honestly, is that if I stop now I might regret later not having had more. I read somewhere several months ago an idea that, when planning the size of your family, you should think not so much about the fleeting, busy years with little kids, but rather about how many people you want around you when you’re older. And what gives me pause, sometimes, is the fear that some years down the road–when it’s too late to remedy the situation–I’ll discover that I haven’t had enough children.

I was saying to Olof yesterday that it’s kind of like one of those video games where you have to gather up stars or coins or whatever to use in some later challenge, so you go around gathering until you think you’ve got enough, then you gather a little more, just to be sure, but then when you’re up against the boss you find you don’t have enough at all but there’s no going back to gather more. What I’m thinking is that it’s probably better to stockpile a little now so as to avoid worries about lack of supply later. That’s just good planning, right?