This late stage of pregnancy always gets me to thinking about whether or not this particular pregnancy will be my last.  For the last several years I’ve been saying that four kids was my ideal, and while I still think it’s a nice number, the possibility of there being a number five has been sneaking in under the radar lately.  Though we are absolutely not planning to have another one after this, we haven’t quite ruled it out, either.

Some people seem just to know when they’ve reached their limit, and maybe after I’ve spent some time with four kids, I’ll be sure that I’ve reached my limit as well.  But what if I don’t?  Or what if I’m sure then that I haven’t reached my limit, that I want more?  Olof seems sure that he wouldn’t want more than five — he’s even said that if we do have a fifth, he’ll have a vasectomy (remember, his refusal to consider same has been an issue for us in the past, so that’s a big concession).  He’s also said that he’ll be fine with stopping if I don’t want to try for another one after this, so I’m not feeling any pressure–except for from within myself–to have more.

I know that it’s nothing I’ve got to decide right now, but neither of us is getting any younger, and I hate the “will we or won’t we?” uncertainty.  Most of all I just wish that this one we’ve got in the works right now would make an appearance, if only so that I’d have less time on my hands for thinking.