Five years ago today, after traveling for nearly twenty-four hours, Lydia and I arrived at Arlanda airport outside Stockholm. The day had been so long and exhausting that I wasn’t even nervous about seeing Olof on the other side of the “Arrivals” door, though it would be our first face-to-face meeting. Truth be told, I’m pretty sure the thing that was foremost in my mind was getting to a place where I could have a cigarette.

That day is still mostly a blur to me. I remember that we took a taxi to Olof’s apartment but not much about what we did once we got there. We took the grand tour of the place, got Lydia settled in her new room–she unpacked her toys first thing, giving Olof a detailed run-down about each one–and we probably had a little something to eat. It didn’t take long before Lydia crashed out in one of the living-room chairs, and I followed suit shortly thereafter

Later Olof woke us with a tray of tea and cookies and after we’d had our fika, we decided to go out for dinner. I didn’t know when I agreed to that plan that I was agreeing to walk a couple of miles in the cold and dark, but that’s what we did. We made our first visit to Väsby Centrum and ate at a hamburger restaurant that I don’t think we ever frequented again after that night. Then we trudged home and slept some more.

I’d like to write a thoughtful and detailed post about how I’ve changed over these five years, but it’s not coming to me. I may be kidding myself, but I don’t think I’m much different now from how I was when I came. I’m happier and calmer and more settled, but I don’t think I’m fundamentally changed, the way some people are by living in a foreign country. I mean, my politics are the same, my religious beliefs are the same, my social sensibilities are the same, my child-rearing philosopies are the same, and so on. Perhaps if I made a visit to the States–I haven’t been back even once in five years–I’d find that I am different. I don’t know. In some ways, I’m a little afraid of the possibility, afraid to go back and find out that I’m not who I thought I was. That’s something I try not to think too much about.