The most common complaint I hear from other expats in Sweden is that Swedes are cold and unfriendly. Word on the expat message boards has it that it takes years and years even to be accepted, let alone welcomed, into Swedish society and that the locals are so anti-social that even making eye contact with them is met with suspicion and hostility.

Me, I’ve had completely the opposite experience in my four-plus years in Sweden. Almost since Day One people have talked to me wherever I go. Old people, young people, drunk people, sober people, “crazy” people, “normal” people, Swedes and non-Swedes. They talk to me everywhere I go — at the grocery store, at the bus stop, in the waiting room at the doctor’s office, you name it. When I’m walking down the street, it’s much more common for the people I meet to make eye contact and exchange a friendly “Hej” with me than it is for them not to acknowledge me. Olof is forever asking me “Who was that?” once someone who has just greeted us has passed out of hearing distance and he always seems a little surprised when I tell him that I don’t know.

The thing that strikes me most about this, I think, is that I’m not a particularly friendly person. I mean, I’m pleasant enough and I would never be rude to someone without good reason, but I’m not at all the type to go around striking up conversations with strangers. I can’t explain, then, why strangers are always striking up conversations with me. Sometimes I’ve thought that it might be that the kids and/or dogs are natural conversation magnets, but I’ve noticed that I’m approached just as often when I’m by myself as when I have any of the little ones with me.

Whenever I’ve talked to Olof about this, he has seemed to think I’m exaggerating, but not long ago the two of us were in the grocery store when an older woman came up to me and asked what date it was. “Oh good,” she said, smiling, when I told her. “My coupon is still good.” As she walked away, Olof said, “You’re right — people do talk to you.” I couldn’t resist a little I-told-you-so.

Some people have told me that the reason this happens is because I live in a very small town, and people in small towns are naturally more open. I agree, to a point, but the same thing happens in our local “big town,” and yes, even in Stockholm. It was when we still lived in Stockholm that I first noticed it, and last week when I was there nothing seemed to have changed. For example, when I was switching buses once, before I had a chance to look around for someone to ask for help off the bus with a sleeping Tage, his stroller, and our luggage, a young man came up and asked if I wanted help. I told him yes, please, and he first set the suitcase on the sidewalk then lifted Tage and the stroller down. I said, “Tack så mycket,” to which he responded, cheerfully, “Varsågod. Ha det så bra.” “Detsamma,”* I told him and we both walked away smiling.*

Another time I was waiting at a different bus stop, and an older woman started chatting with me about her upcoming trip to China and how excited she was (but a bit apprehensive about the flight because she wouldn’t be able to smoke for nine hours!). On the flight home, the woman next to me made a fair amount of small talk with me on a variety of topics.

To me, none of these situations seems especially extraordinary, but to hear many other expats talk, such encounters are so unusual as to be virtually unheard of. I don’t doubt for a moment that others’ experiences are much different from mine, but I can’t begin to explain why. I guess I’ll just count it as a blessing and carry on as I’ve been doing.

*Me: Thanks so much.
Him: You’re welcome. Have a good day.
Me: You, too.