Three days before my twenty-fifth birthday, on April 16, 1998, I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. By that time I’d been having a number of worrisome neurological symptoms for about three years, and it came as a relief to have a diagnosis. First, because it was good just to be able to put a name to what was wrong with me, and second, because it lifted an enormous weight to know that I wasn’t facing something life-threatening (when the neurologist said it was MS, I asked, “I’m not going to die, am I?” and he replied, “Well, you’re going to die, but not from this,” which was the perfect mood-lightening response).

Since I was diagnosed six years ago, I’ve had a fair amount of ups and downs. For the first 2½ years after diagnosis, I gave myself a weekly interferon shot but since moving to Sweden I haven’t been taking anything at all. My condition was about the same both on interferon therapy and off, and I averaged three to five significant flare-ups per year. Most of my flare-ups have been centered on my left leg, which just stops working for a couple of weeks now and again, and I do have some residual weakness there that seems to be permanent disability. Overall, though, I consider myself very lucky in that I have what appears to be a mild case of MS, with no visible disability after almost ten years of symptoms. The bulk of my symptoms are sensory, which is a blessing in that they don’t impair function and a curse in that they are at times excruciatingly painful.

A little over a year ago I started reading up on managing MS through diet, and while I was somewhat skeptical, I started taking a vitamin-B supplement and 2000mg of Omega-3 oil every day. The difference they’ve made has been truly astounding. Since mid-April 2003, I have not had even one flare-up. There were a couple of days last fall when I had some noticeable weakness in my arms, and I still have some sensory symptoms and the aforementioned weakness in my left leg, but I haven’t experienced any loss of function in over fourteen months. For me, Omega-3 has been like a miracle cure.

Last night, though, and this morning, I felt some of the sensations that have often signaled an oncoming flare-up. It’s difficult to explain just what those sensations are, but after almost ten years I’ve learned to recognize the feelings. It’s too early yet for me to tell whether or not those feelings will turn into a flare-up, but I’ve gotten so used to living without them that this has thrown me a bit for a loop. Even though I know it’s not true, there’s a little part of me that’s been thinking maybe I really have beaten this, and the thought of even one more flare-up is discouraging as hell. It’s really hard sometimes to find a balance between the optimistic and the realistic.